Who He Will Be
by Chicary
Summary: Ishizu develops an addiction to voyeurism. S9R2


**AN: **This fic assumes that Malik and Ishizu are four years apart in age. At Battle City they would be 16 and 20 respectively.

**Warning: **Reference to addiction.

**Who He Will Be**

The first time Ishizu felt the magic of the Millennium Necklace, she was playing ball with her toddler brother. Malik had just become confident on his feet and was already testing his limits by pretending he could run. He'd insisted, with his limited vocabulary, that he wanted to play with his big sister because he wanted to beat her. Somehow, he had come to know that Ishizu was making a ball even though she'd always done it in secret with the hope that she could surprise him with it for his third birthday.

Their father had made one of his rare excursions to the surface. They'd come to learn that when he was not around; that when it seemed like he'd vanished from existence, that this was where he went. Whenever their father returned, he would look upon his children as if they were foreigners, challenging them to ask. But they never asked. Ishizu did not have to learn this the hard way, she just knew and she ensured that this knowledge was instilled in her brother when his babbling became real words.

They hadn't meant to stumble into the Sacred Chamber; they'd simply gotten caught up in their game. It had helped Malik so much in taming his unsteady feet and he had looked so happy playing that Ishizu saw nothing wrong in continuing until he tired.

It was not to say that she wasn't aware of entering the forbidden room. She had, in fact, felt that familiar uneasiness creep upon her when they did. But her brother was insistent, demanding even, and she hadn't wanted to upset him and have him drop on his butt and cry.

They had been instructed not to touch the Millennium Items and were told that their powers we not for ordinary people. As a result, she'd planned to be careful; that if she couldn't avoid entering the room, she could at least be careful not to step too far as to go near the Items at the other end.

But Malik had more power in those skinny little legs than she'd expected and a surprisingly strong kick startled her and she dodged. The ball landed a safe distance away from the Items but in her attempt to evade it, she had tripped and nearly bumped her head against the shrine that the Items rested on.

She couldn't, for the life of her, tell how she touched the Millennium Necklace. For a very long time, she was convinced she never did. But after much thought after the fact, she concluded that it must have happened somehow; that maybe her long hair or her clothes must have grazed it on her way down because, otherwise, nothing would have happened.

She remembered everything except the part where she fell down. She had been overcome with a numbness that rendered her body so paralyzed she didn't know if she could catch herself when she hit the ground. This fear was followed by a hot, sharp pain in her temples that was so strong it nearly stole her consciousness. When she squeezed her eyes shut, the pain projected a blanket of whiteness at the back of her eyelids, a whiteness which then dissolved to form a picture.

The brief image she was given was that of a tall structure jutting from a nest of rubble. But before she could make sense of this scene, or even take in its novelty, she was shaken back to reality as if she'd awoken from a night terror. Her brother stood over her, ball hugged against his belly and eyelids red and damp. Although she stood with ease, she walked on shaky legs when she hoisted her brother onto her hip and took him to his bed.

But unlike a nightmare that disappears from memory with time, the picture inside Ishizu's head only became clearer. It branded itself in the back of her mind, demanding her full attention. More than any other detail, she remembered the sun shining over the strange thing she saw and, for someone who had never set foot on the surface of the Earth, she knew she would not figure this out without doing so.

But, even though it plagued her to the point where she had to literally shake her head to push it aside, she had no compulsion to step outside. She associated the surface with her father and the unpleasant feelings that welled was enough of a deterrent.

Instead, she was compelled, strongly compelled, to revisit the Necklace. She was a fish that happened on a hook and couldn't let go. But there was also the immense guilt and fear. There was guilt in knowing that she threaded on the grounds of the gods and there was fear in the possibility that it would be taken away from her permanently. Ishizu would come to learn that this was the curse of addiction.

She began to rationalize the need to touch the Necklace again; told herself the second time would also be the last. She wrestled with the bad feelings, knowing they would always follow her but wanting desperately to beat them back. When she went to the Sacred Chamber under the cover of darkness, it wasn't just because she was afraid of getting caught.

The second time didn't shock her as much as the first, nor was it as painful. But it wasn't until she touched the Necklace again that she recalled the near traumatic, visceral experience of the first time. Unexpectedly, she managed to remain on her feet even though the Necklace gave her a more potent and longer-lasting image.

She saw a man leap through a glass window high in the air. His mouth was open but no sound same out as his body raced to the ground. When he smacked on the pavement, the was a sickening cracking sound. Up above, through the broken window, a boy watched with an apathetic, no, _satisfied_ look on his face. Everyone else, all older men, looked absolutely horrified.

Ishizu didn't have to beg for the scene to go away; the Necklace shut it off immediately after that. The tears came soon after as she clawed and clung onto the shrine. When the weight became too heavy, she slid to the ground, curling up to make herself as small as possible. With both hands covering her mouth so her family wouldn't hear, she begged the gods to forgive her for disobeying because there was no way what she saw wasn't a punishment. She couldn't remember when she dozed off but she awoke with a start and was quick to scurry out of the room before anyone could catch her there.

During the days that followed, Ishizu's emotional reaction to the suicide dulled more and more until it felt like nothing but a detached memory. It was as if the gods had absolved her sin by sanding away the vision's potency. She hadn't wanted to call it a vision because she didn't want to think it could possibly be real but it was definitely not a dream and certainly more than a picture.

She tried to distract herself by giving all her attention to Malik. He would do his usual: eat, poop, play, cry, demand things of her and she would placate him and keep him out of trouble. She and Rishid shared this responsibility and she would often catch her older brother watching her intently for long periods of time. It was in Rishid's nature not to ask, instead waiting for his siblings to tell him themselves. And, most of the time, they did.

The need to visit the Necklace was strongest at night when the only company Ishizu had were her own thoughts. She developed insomnia and only managed to drift off to sleep some time during the early hours of the morning. Almost two weeks passed before she snuck from her bed to see the Necklace a third time.

There was no way to combat the guilt that trailed her all the way to the Sacred Chamber. However, she approached the Necklace with a resolve; that it would serve her instead of the other way around and that she would dictate what she wanted. Young Ishizu was under the impression that, having "used" it twice already, she would be sufficiently equipped to control it.

This was not the case, though what she saw was far tamer than a suicide. There were also words:

"_I'm sorry I had to trick you like that, Mokuba."_

"_That's okay, niisama."_

"_Are you sure it's okay?"_

"_Yeah. I knew you wouldn't do it on purpose."_

"_Well I'm going to make it up to you. We can have what we've always wanted. We can build our amusement park and make toys for the kids! And we can get rid of all the weapons! I'm going to change everything, Mokuba, you just wait and see!"_

It was the same boy who watched the older man kill himself, Ishizu was sure of it. But that meant the vision didn't make much sense. How could someone who calmly stood by while something like _that_ happened be so generous and loving and… human? She lightly touched the Necklace again, as she'd always done, hoping it would tell her more. When nothing happened, she made to grab it from where it rested. Her little fingers got as far as wrapping themselves around the cold, dusty metal before she stopped herself. When she unhooked her fingers, the even layer of dust was disturbed – obviously so. She panicked, looking around to see if anyone watched as she carefully picked up sparse clumps of dust from places that wouldn't be noticeable and gently sprinkled them over the Necklace. When her work looked halfway satisfactory, she ran to her bed and hid under the covers.

There was no denying the addiction that rooted itself deep in her mind after this. Despite all her rationalizations, there was a great deal of guilt and shame in what she did. Thoughts of going back and seeing more haunted her like a ghost inside her head and she felt helpless and out of control. For a long time, she fought the thought that she wouldn't be able to stop, hopeful that one day she could find a way to do so; to either wean off of it, distract herself, or somehow summon the willpower to resist it. But months passed and her actions never changed. The only thing that changed was her dependence, which only increased.

To further dangle the carrot in front of her, the Necklace didn't always, in her eight-year-old mind, "work." Often times, after she meticulously and pain-stakingly plan how she would sneak out of bed without her father (who stayed up all night sometimes) finding out, she would receive nothing. She would stand in front of the Necklace long into the night waiting for it to show her _something_, _anything_ but it would not deliver. The mornings after those nights, she would get out of bed in a foul mood and if Rishid wasn't always there to force her out of bed, she wouldn't have gotten up at all.

But when it did "work," she would always see him. She didn't see him in every vision but in enough to keep him in her thoughts. The things she saw weren't always in the right order though, which was frustrating because it made it even more difficult to understand this mystery person.

It was as if the Necklace purposely teased her. Even after several years, she could not get a clear picture of the man's personality. He would act in seemingly contradictory ways and sometimes if looked as if there was no explanation for the mean things he did. He would let go of a few controlled tears when things upset him but, once in awhile, he would sob, no, _bawl_ his eyes out before breaking something that would make him injure himself.

He had a little brother whom he (maybe) loved. Other than that, he didn't show affection towards anyone. He was also anal and preferred to do things himself, even when it meant he didn't get to sleep for days. And he had a strong affinity to dragons – a _very _strong affinity to dragons.

Ishizu lived day to day as a voyeur. It was the only window to a world outside the underground and it gave her a twisted sense of purpose to her caged life. This was not something forced upon her, it was something she _chose_ for herself and, in the midst of her lack of control, there was a different kind of control in it.

She thought about him in different ways when her body started to change. Some nights when she couldn't sleep, she would use his image for the things she did under the covers. She'd pretend he'd be sleeping beside her as she cuddled up to her pillow and imaged herself secure in his strong arms after she finished. Every time she went to see the Necklace, a part of her would wish to catch a glimpse of his nude body. She'd fantasized about pleasing him and having him please her. She could not fathom a deeper guilt and shame than this and resorted to punishing herself after she had such thoughts. When this self-inflicted punishment became too visible on her skin, she started making all her clothes with long sleeves.

She reasoned that there must have been a reason why the gods were always showing this man to her; that maybe he had some kind of power. He certainly seemed like a powerful person. She started directing her prayers to him because she figured that was what the gods wanted. Maybe he was her patron god; the one that blessed her from wherever he was far away.

So she prayed to him, referring to him as "The One Up High." She would pray for Malik who was deathly fearful of his approaching tenth birthday, for Rishid to convince their father to change his mind and for her father to soften his heart. When Malik's birthday came and he was dragged off, she prayed that he would pass out so that at least he wouldn't have any memory of it. When his screams reverberated on every wall of their underground home, she prayed for a place to run to in order to get away from it. When no such sanctuary was given, she prayed for temporary deafness.

Things took a very bad turn following the ceremony forced on her brother. Ishizu prayed as hard as she could to _him_, even fasting as she did so, but, like all the other times, _he_ granted her nothing. So she stopped praying to him and directed her prayers back to the gods, whom she knew were punishing her entire family for her sacrilege.

Something profound had changed in her brother, as if he was possessed by something evil. She and Rishid tried to find out what it was; tried to keep it suppressed, but it was strong and very dangerous. She begged, cried, _pleaded_ to the Necklace to give her a way to help him but it remained as vague as it had always been. Her concern for Malik temporarily kept her from the Necklace, which she found to be completely useless to her at that point. For the first time, she relied on herself to help him, to try and find a way to get rid of the thing inside of him that made him so different.

Together, she and Rishid happened upon a way to keep it from surfacing. They didn't know how but by keeping an eye on Malik together, they managed.

Ishizu would always blame herself the day Malik killed their father. She had made a terrible, awful mistake in granting him his wishes and, as a result, that thing inside him lashed out a full force. But how was she to know that letting him go to the surface would be so detrimental? She'd always granted Malik what he wanted ever since they were children and it was what their father had instructed her to do. It was as if gods had reached down from the heavens and personally crushed her. The few, very few, things she still held control over were gone.

Malik left soon after and disturbed the Millennium Rod from its place by taking it with him. He also took two of their three most precious family treasures. Without thought, Rishid followed and Ishizu was left alone in the silent, dark underground, which felt she deserved. For a time, she resigned to a life of loneliness. She buried her head in piles of scripture until she was too exhausted to drag her feet to bed and she didn't go near the Sacred Chamber much less touch the Necklace. She drowned herself in the work her family was always meant to do and kept herself busy with either manual or mental labour.

When she thought she'd gotten use to this life, something fell from the world above. It was a letter from Rishid. At first, she panicked, fearing outsiders knew she was there but she told herself, forced herself to tell herself, that Rishid knew better. In the letter, Rishid wrote about the things that happened since their departure. Malik had gotten out of control; he was doing wicked things beyond imagination and Rishid had to compromise his integrity significantly in order to keep a meagre hold on their little brother. The world above felt the strain of Malik's actions and Rishid would need her help. He didn't say how she could help, only mentioned that she was a clever person and he trusted that she would come up with _something._ Most importantly, he would need her to join him in the world above. The letter ended with a promise of more information to come.

This was Ishizu's unspoken permission to use the Necklace again. She'd felt the need rise as she read the letter and there was no other option but. And, for once, when she really needed it, the Necklace came through for her. It led her to a golden nugget; it gave her a name.

_Seto Kaiba._

After years and years, she finally had a name for this face. Her mind felt light, her heart even lighter and her resolve ignited like a wildfire. She snatched the Millennium Necklace from its place, rubbed off all the dust and snapped it around her neck. The action was so smooth and quick, she didn't even realize what she was doing. As soon as she did so, dozens, _hundreds_ of images zipped through her mind. She couldn't catch most of them, but many that she did had _him_ in it. She would leave the underground, teach herself how to blend into the world above and use it to her favour. Even before she left the Sacred Chamber, her confidence soared and she knew it could be done.

* * *

><p>Ishizu struggled; so much so that there were times when she wanted to give up. She learned step by painful step how this world worked and with gained knowledge came the realization of how immense a gap it was that she had to close.<p>

When she finally reached the point where she could use the technology, she began her research on "Seto Kaiba." The media was stuffed with information about this famous CEO and she was greatly disappointed when she found out that much of it was false. Despite what she was bombarded with, truthful or otherwise, she became fixated on his relationship with his little brother. Whether it was something she related to or the fact that this relationship was _so_ different from his norm, this was what she was most interested in and she narrowed her researched accordingly.

Ishizu was shocked at out how many times Seto's brother had been used to sabotage him.

Even more shocking was the fact that, in each and every instance, Seto would personally intervene to rescue Mokuba. He had one of the most powerful security forces in the country and made very good use of them to protect his business but when it directly came to his brother, Seto would (seemingly) drop everything and handle it himself.

She decided, therefore, to appeal to his sympathy. She wrote to him, explaining what her brother was doing, how much it was impacting the world and how much she had to (but didn't have the means to) stop it. She explained who she was so that he wouldn't think she was a waste of time and she offered him partial ownership of the museum as an incentive.

The prospect of finally making real contact with Seto was exciting. And the work she did to get to this point was all the more satisfying because she chose to do it without the Necklace.

Hopeful, she sealed the letter and stood from her seat. As she headed to the front door of her apartment, her body went numb. Heart racing, Ishizu found the closest wall and leaned against it as the inside of her head felt like it was going white. When it all passed, her hands shook and she carefully sat herself on the ground. Tears welled in her eyes and she held them there before blinking once to let them fall.

She grasped the Necklace, "Really?"

Nothing came after that. The Necklace had given her everything this time; a full and complete picture. She got what she wanted – to understand Seto's personality.

Humiliated, Ishizu tore the letter from the envelope and read the first line before crumpling it in her fist. She reopened it and angrily tore it into uneven pieces before digging through her wastebasket to drop the pieces at the very bottom.

It took days for her to absorb this, days in which she had to remove the Necklace because it was just so cruel and ugly. But when she could move forward again, when she was ready to squish certain emotions, she retrieved the last of her family's most precious possessions and sat down at her desk to draw up a new plan.

**-End-**


End file.
